


Say Anything

by elisetales (orphan_account)



Category: Starfighter (Comic)
Genre: Abel is emotionally unavailable, Angst, Drabble, Goodbyes, M/M, Sad, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 03:38:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17480426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/elisetales
Summary: It was like the beginning again, only he wasn't Cain and Abel wasn't Abel.Set after the final battle!





	Say Anything

Back on the Sleipnir and it was like the beginning all over again, only this time he wasn’t Cain and Abel wasn’t Abel.

Cain, he’d known exactly what to do that first night together. Get aggressive with him, rough and belittling; knock his confidence a little, or a lot. Force Abel into his place and fast so he’d do everything Cain said or else.

And it had worked, at least at first. This one, he liked it when Cain stood over him, told him how it was going to be. Liked being bossed around almost as much as Cain liked doing the bossing and it had all been solid right up until Cain started getting weak with him, too many shades of Alexei, and fucked it all up. Lost his grip on Abel and the truth had come out and then they’d been shot at and Abel was gone.

Gone, but still here. Not his Abel anymore. Not sweet and warm and acting like he worshipped the fucking ground Cain walked on, the way he’d always been with him. Just cold and quiet. So fucking quiet—never said a word just sighed, breathed, tossed and turned on that fucking mattress he’d pushed up against the far wall, so far away from Cain, and Cain wondered if this was Ethan. If Abel had only ever existed for Cain, and now that Cain was gone then so was Abel, no getting him back this time.

But Cain, he would’ve known what to do. Would’ve just fucking _said_ something instead of laying flat out on the bed all day picking at his bandages, smoking in silence, waiting for them to hit the station so he could cut and run. Leave Cain and Abel behind, never think about any of that shit ever again.

Cain wasn’t weak. He would’ve said something, would’ve bullied Abel into saying something, too. Would've stood over him, made him get up and look at him, say what was really on his mind; whatever it was that had Abel looking at him like he was a stranger.

But he wasn’t Cain and Alexei didn’t know what to do to fix it. Didn’t know what the fuck to do when Abel had stood in front of him like that, broken down and cried, really fucking cried over him, like Cain had crushed his heart under his boot. Had just stood there like a fucking idiot and let Abel sob by himself, tried to explain it to him but all of his excuses were hollow and Abel wasn’t buying it and then they’d been shot at and Abel was gone.

Never came back, either, not even when Cain had been released from medical, stumbling and doped up on painkillers and needing a hand just to get into bed. Abel had just looked at him, all laid up there on his little mattress on the floor, and rolled away, facing the wall, leaving him to it. Leaving him to struggle getting his clothes off and putting himself to bed like he was some fucking cripple. A fighter without a navigator. A Cain with no Abel.

And now they were right back to the start. Strangers. Strangers who knew each other’s bodies but fuck all else and Cain just wanted the old Abel back, wanted him all tucked up underneath him, warm and safe and pinned there, unable to get away like Cain knew Abel wanted to.

But Abel no longer wanted Cain in his line of sight let alone touching him or sleeping in his bed and Cain didn’t understand why Abel hadn’t just asked for a transfer the second he’d had the chance—wasn't like both of them hadn't earned the fucking right. But he never did, chose instead to just stick with him and ride it out to the very end, duty or whatever the fuck it was making him think it was even important to do what he thought they wanted anymore.

Cain wished he wouldn’t. Didn’t want to sit there with him in that room another second, all awkward and silent and fucked up, like they’d never even met before, never fucked before. Not when Abel flinched when Cain got too close, accidentally brushed against him, made out like he was going to say something but didn’t.

Never said anything, because Alexei was weak, and Abel didn’t want Alexei, he needed Cain, only Alexei didn’t know where to find Cain anymore.

Abel waited until the last minute, when they’d already docked at the station, bags packed, room empty, before he said something.

“You forgot these.” Abel held out a bottle of prescription painkillers, the good shit. “You’ll need them while you heal.”

Cain took them, stared down at his hand, didn’t want to touch Abel’s wrist but did it anyway. Wasn’t surprised either when Abel recoiled away from him but it still stung, still wished Abel had stayed quiet forever, never said anything at all, and then maybe Cain wouldn't be stood there like a fucking idiot still wanting him.

He watched Abel rub his wrist like it burned, hating seeing him look all sympathetic and fucking pitying, like he didn't even hate Cain just wanted him gone.

“I just can’t,” Abel said, like Cain should have understood. “Not now. Maybe soon, but just… not right now. You understand, don’t you?”

Cain shrugged like it was nothing.

He watched Abel go, understood everything Abel wanted to say to him but couldn't. Because Abel was too much of a bleeding heart to really let him have it, tell him everything he wanted to say but couldn't bring himself to, and so this would have to be it for a shitty last goodbye. 

**Author's Note:**

> (I feel like they meet up a couple of months later, when Abel has sorted his head out and things are less raw between them!)
> 
> So I recently read the comic all over again for the first time in such a long time, years for sure, and wow -- so many feelings! I was really interested in the way Cain seems to compartmentalize his life as Cain, and his life as Alexei. I've been thinking about that a lot and just wanted to work through my feelings on that with this short thing. 
> 
> Real Abel will probably be super quick to forgive, I know, but pining!Cain is my absolute favorite.


End file.
